My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.