Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.