Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.

It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.