Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.