My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already.'
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"
I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.