With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.