Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!