My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded: 'Take me to the canaries'.
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.