A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.