I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.