Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

I know I'm a sinner, but make me a winner!

My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He's the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, "oops!"

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance.