I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.

I'd never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?