I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.