Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.

Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.