I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.