I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'

I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!