If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, 'Well, that's what that person does.' That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.