If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing. That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?