If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.