You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

There are no I's in we but there are two i's in Wii.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

Valuable people are undervalued.

People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.