It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?