My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
Bob SagetA good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
Bob SagetI just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
Bob SagetJon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
Bob Saget