Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

Wise men say, only fools rush in. Wise men are so slow.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.