Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.