I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.