I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?