If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

When you have a good time there is no time.

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing. That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.