When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?

I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person. Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.

If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.

Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.

They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?