Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.
My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?