I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

Valuable people are undervalued.

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

Nothing worse than a piece of dried out fish.

Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person. Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.