My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.

The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?