My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.

I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.