What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.

I love my mom! You can too for $12!

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'