What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

I have no agenda, nothing to control.

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

The Comedy Store - all three rooms were filled with 800 people in the room. And during that time, all these guys and some women, but mostly guys who weren't funny were doing stand up for a living; they weren't accountants, they were making $30-$50 grand a year on the road, or more.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.