It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I become a chameleon for wherever I am.

My favorite Dylan song? I think it's 'Just Like a Woman.' It always makes me cry.

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.