It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.

Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.

I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.

When you have a good time there is no time.