My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.

I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.