My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

There are no I's in we but there are two i's in Wii.

My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?