What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.

I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?