My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

Most people argue over who's right, not about what the truth is.

The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.