I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

Ladies, apologies, but isn't 'vintage' just used stuff?

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.