I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.

Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.

My wife is a saint. She's Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won't eat.