Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.

When you have a good time there is no time.

Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.

I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.

Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will a family do out of desperation.

One of the first things I said when I signed on for the show was No hugs! Full House was all based on hugs.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.