Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.

My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me a Brazilian wax.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.