If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of yourself. So does $200 seem reasonable?

Valuable people are undervalued.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.

Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.