Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.

I ruined my health drinking to other people's.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.