Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.

Message? What the hell do you think I am, a bloody postman?

You made one mistake. You married me.

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.