Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.

Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.

In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.