I ruined my health drinking to other people's.

When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.

I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!

I cannot imagine any crime worse than taking a life, can you? -It'd depend whose life.