The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.

There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.

New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

I wish I'd been a mixed infant.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.