You made one mistake. You married me.

A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.

Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.

Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.

I wish I'd been a mixed infant.

Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke