The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

The only thing I envy in young people is their livers.

Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.

I wish I'd been a mixed infant.

I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

There's no bad publicity except an obituary.