Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work.

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.