Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

Children are like sponges; they start to smell after a little while.

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.