Whenever you see riot footage on TV - you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle - you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the aggression out of the act.

My friends are trying to get me to go out on blind dates. Big 'NO' to that because all my friends are a bunch of lying geeks. They're always like, 'Brian, you're really gonna dig this girl. She's got Traci Lords' eyes, Michelle Pfeiffer's nose, Kim Basinger's lips.' Yeah, they always forget to tell me she's also got Charlie Brown's head.

I was just surprised when my wife told me we were having a baby. I was like, Wow, that's awesome. You're going to make a great single mom.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

I got into Kiss before I got into anybody. The first thing I heard was Detroit Rock City. I heard it in the school library, where I lived.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.