I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?