I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.