The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.
When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'
I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.
My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.
We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.
Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.