Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

You always nag the one you love

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.