Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.