Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.