I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

You always nag the one you love

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

The only place you're sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother.