The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

You always nag the one you love

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.