The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I don't think I'll live long enough to shoot my age. I'm lucky to shoot my weight.