Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.
We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.
What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?
My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf.
Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.