At American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.