Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

Fairs are good places to eat, particularly for stand-up eaters--which is one of the kinds of eaters I am, although when I eat standing up away from home I sometimes miss the familiar cool breeze coming from the open refrigerator.