Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.

When someone reaches middle age, people he knows begin to get put in charge of things, and knowing what he knows about the people who are being put in charge of things scares the hell out of him.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.

I've written three books you could think of as memoirs.