When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

I don't mind being interviewed on television or radio.

How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.